OBOC - Korea

As I start to write the review for "Please look after mom" I have no clue how it is going to go as i am very ambivalent about the novel. Kyung-sook Shin's novel won the Man Asia literary prize which is how I had heard about the novel. It was a very easy read, moving in many parts and quite well done technically (a second person narrative that works!). The ambivalence comes from the portrayal of the mother as the ultimate martyr and hence the soapy feel to the novel

It is the story of a hard working, illiterate, almost infallible mom who goes missing in Seoul on a visit from her village to the capital to see her grown up sons and daughters. The whole family frantically searches for mom following up on every small lead they hear from strangers. Mom is more present when missing than she ever was and every child recounts how much their mom has done for them over the years and how much they needed her.

Mom gone missing is also a metaphor for traditional values slowly disappearing from Korean society as she writes about people holding ancestral rites in time-share vacation condos or hopping on planes going abroad. It juxtaposes a number of issues in today's recently modernized, traditional societies -parents Vs kids, arranged marriage Vs dating or choosing not to be married at all, traditional rituals Vs pressure on time etc

The novel is a guilt-trip as every child regrets for not taking good care of their martyr mom  (who at the very end of the book is compared to the ultimate martyr mom), and now full of penitence they all vow to be better persons.

As an Indian woman/mom I can very well relate to MMS or Martyr Mom Syndrome. My mom was one of the early generations of working moms in India who actually chose to work outside the home and juggle motherhood at the same time. The "juggling" of motherhood and career was achieved by 1) totally ignoring her health 2) not really having a career 3) making her kids the center of her life. But working outside the home gave her independence, a sense of self and a break from us that she didn't have to turn into a martyr, just an overworked, tired mom.


As a teenager I remember often mocking her and remarking that I would never be like her when it would be my turn. And now that it is my turn, I realize that although i am not guilty about having a career and having to juggle motherhood, it seems that some of her traits are hardwired into my DNA.  When I found myself making vegan pad thai (one of my daughter's favorite dishes) at 5:30AM on a weekday for our lunch boxes it dawned on me that I AM my mom, minus the guilt (or so I think).

Anyway, coming back to the novel....I liked it for the most part except for the soapy bits. As you can see the novel did make me think about motherhood, my own mom and even my grandmom. It would have been nicer if she had managed to do all that with a bit of editing and without dishing out the guilt.