It's scary out there!

As we prepare for Halloween tonight I am reminded of my mom's first Halloween in the US about fifteen years back. She was visiting the US from India for the first time, had never heard of Halloween and was caught by complete shock to see people proudly displaying bones, graves, bloody hands, and ghosts in their homes. What kind of celebration was this! She could not understand why I would purposely place cobwebs and spiders on my front porch, especially following the Indian festival of lights or Diwali when one expects to light bright lamps to chase away these very ghouls and spirits of darkness.

I gave her every rational explanation I could come up with ranging from the mythological (the Celts, the blurring of boundaries between the living and the dead) to the psychological (good for kids to get scared a bit) to the biological (bats and spiders are actually important species that need to be celebrated). Her only answer was that the world is scary as it is, especially the world these kids were going to inherit, so why not let them enjoy their childhood when they can. I didn't think much of this until these past few years.

As kids come trick-or-treating into my neighborhood these days I don't think the true scares are the ghouls or the haunted houses but as my mom rightly indicated, it is the world they are inheriting. California with its raging fires looks worse than any artist's depiction of hell. My teen who was blissfully unaware of the complex, nuanced problems faced by the Kurds in Syria until last week, caught up with it on John Oliver and turned to me to say "That's scary"! For the record she did the Haunted Trail at night and said "it was OK". We are now living in a Baudrillardian simulation where we go the extra length to create unreal experiences while ignoring the reality around us. It's truly scary out there just not on October 31st!

I should also point out that on her first Halloween night my mom opened the door not knowing what to expect and was overjoyed to be greeted by princes and princesses, soldiers and pirates, firemen and cutest witches and a whole bunch of animals that all her objections went out the door! Seeing the cheerful kids and handing them candy was such a delight to her that she was happy to give up reality and fall into simulation mode. So yes, I wrote all this but didn't have the heart to deny trick-or-treaters or burst their bubbles. So I will pretend to scare them with cobwebs and gravemarkers knowing fully well they are not scared and are here for the candy. Perhaps this is truly one of the last stands of childhood pleasures before they grow up!

Mama, Do you Love me?

I haven't posted anything here in a long time, but this week's events have forced me to sit down and process my thoughts. Some of you may have heard of this book "Mama, Do You Love Me?" by Barbara M. Joosse. If you look it up you will see that it is a book highly recommended for toddlers. A beautiful board book with illustrations depicting the Inuit culture telling the tale of an everlasting, unconditional love that a mother has for her child.


I believe this is a book that everyone should read and re-read throughout their lives. I certainly do. The mother in the book is at times frustrated, worried, anxious, saddened, and even angry as her daughter challenges her and pushes boundaries but throughout all she assures her little one that she truly loves her no matter what. As a mother of a teen, I can attest to the wisdom in this book. Naturally, teenagers test boundaries. Living with a teen means living with eye-rolls, tantrums, misunderstandings and conflict. But throughout all of this there is an underlying feeling of unconditional love that a parent provides to a child. Unconditional love does not mean no boundaries, no criticism, no feedback, or no conflict. On the contrary, as I remind my teen often, all the guidelines, suggestions, and even criticism comes from a place of caring deeply. And, yes there are times when I am wrong or over critical but the fine tuning and adjustment is part of the process.

What does a toddler's book have to do with the political events of this week? A lot! This week an immigrant politician has been asked to 'go home' as she is not able to see the 'flawless' nature of her adopted country. Her love for her country is questioned because she has been quick to criticize this beautiful nation. Does loving a country unconditionally means turning a blind eye to all its problems? Is it wrong to criticize the fact that universal healthcare is still a pipe dream, homelessness and the struggle for equal pay or living wage is still ongoing in a nation that boasts unprecedented wealth? What about lack of leadership in climate change or how we deal with migrant children at our borders? Is our Union so perfect that all these struggles are just "fake news" and conspiracies? Aren't the voices of the people in Flint, Michigan, the activists in Black Lives Matter, or the #Metoo movements speaking truth to power? What I truly love about my country is that dissent and discourse is not just tolerated but welcomed. Hyphenated identities were in the long run seen as enriching the culture of the US and not a blemish or a blight to be eradicated. "A more perfect Union" is what the Founding Fathers aspired to and shouldn't that be the goal of every citizen? How can we find solutions if we don't even want to acknowledge the problems.

Love does not mean being blind to faults. Love does not mean not being honest. Love certainly does not mean cover-ups or wishing away problems. The little girl in "Mama, Do You Love Me?" totally gets this. Otherwise we would've been reading about a spoiled brat with removed-from-reality, snow plowing parents who leave her totally unprepared for life's inevitable challenges!