Taking a Break

 After 25+ years in the corporate world, I decided to hit the brakes on my career this week. I am not part of the pandemic induced she-cession or the great retirement. This was something that I had always planned to do even before the pandemic hit us. I had tried to quit once before, early in my career, when my then infant daughter first went to day care and came home with multiple ear infections. Thanks to my mother and spouse who supported me through those tough days and a very understanding manager I was able to manage both home and career without quitting. This time around there is no such compelling need, other than the fact that my daughter will be a high school senior this fall and before I know it she will be out of the home and I will sitting on an empty nest. I decided if there was ever a time to take a break this was it. Some people called my decision "courageous," others lauded me for choosing family over career. I honestly don't think I deserve any of these comments. I recognize that I am lucky enough to be able to afford a break like this.

This is an experiment - my Walden - but unlike my hero, I am not isolating myself. I am just trying to be more available for my family and practice being present in the moment as opposed to running schedules in the back of my mind and flitting from one thing to another constantly. Reading, volunteering, and birding have always been part of my life. But I am hoping to do these more mindfully.  In the past when I wanted to learn something new I always did it alongside managing my home and career. I am hoping that with a bit more leisure i will have the opportunity to follow up on areas of interest in depth. Maybe I will finally finish Ulysses and I am hoping to call my mom more frequently. Beyond these I don't have specific goals. I am not calling this phase my retirement because I don't know what's in store for me and no one can predict the future. And I am not doing this to help my daughter's college application process. Sure, I hope to travel with her this summer to colleges that are on her list that I had never heard of until now. There is not much I can do other than listen to what she is / is not saying and follow her lead.

It's been a week and I am happy to report that I haven't experienced any withdrawal symptoms or regrets, yet. Sure, I miss the people I used to work with but I don't miss the daily grind. This Mother's Day didn't feel any different from the last one either. On our way to the local pond for some birding time (which has become our traditional Mother's Day thing to do) we didn't see any chicks which was quite different from our experience last year. Disappointing? Well, yes at first. But then I told myself maybe the chicks have all successfully fledged and we were just a bit late this year - which reminded me of my own fledgling standing next to me and the ephemerality (if that's a word) of life. If I had any second thoughts about taking a break, the pond with no chicks/fledglings removed the last vestiges of doubt. Now as Gandalf reminds me "all I have to decide is what to do with the time that is given me."